Learning for life: Taking action
This post has been a long-time coming. Honestly, I’ve started many drafts of this post, but bringing it forth into fruition, into something tangible, has been challenging because life as I knew it has changed.
At the time of my last post (mid-February), my clinical practice and educational responsibilities and professional obligations started amalgamating into an overwhelming hectic mess of a life. Or so I thought.
And with that, so, so many things changed. Being “too busy” was once burdensome; but, in the setting of the restrictions enforced by the need to understand and protect ourselves from the “beast” known as the coronavirus, I suddenly found myself distraught by the fact that I was on the sidelines and deprived of my responsibilities. In the beginning of February, an extended “break” would have been heaven-sent. But, when forced into an inactive-like state, life was anything but relaxing. I felt busier than ever in trying to find ways to feel like I was contributing, making myself worthy of the security and benefits of employment while so many within my field faced unknown and insecure futures with closures and subsequent unemployment.
The tides of COVID did not just wash away the comfort of work/life routines, but also brought in with it the harsh flaws of human nature. The realities of just how unkind human beings can be to one another was disappointing and deflating in the midst of a world that had already been turned upside down - the violence perpetrated under misconstrued pretenses, the disrespect and disregard to basic politeness and kindness, and the sad realization of the devastating effect of complacent discrimination within our society.
The pronounced divisiveness that I had been shielded (and shielding myself) of, reared its ugliness in both personal and professional settings for myself. As an individual of Asian descent, raised by immigrants, born in the U.S. and identified as American, witnessing and also being subjected to judgment-full, anger-ridden, and fear-induced racism was jarring. And the real truth, is that the personal experiences of this terrible effect built on misgivings, falsities, and ignorance, are never forgotten. I won’t necessarily think about it everyday, and time does certainly blunt the sharpness; but, given a stimulant, the feelings of shame, diminution, and apathy return with every bit of accompanying pain and discomfort.
A thought-provoking truth that stemmed from this was the realization that it took a “punch” in the figurative gut for me to confront my own ignorance. It is no secret that social injustice has been unfairly and unapologetically wreaking havoc on the lives of underrepresented groups. Be it one’s orientation, gender, or race - the stories are numerous, the outcomes terrible.
I protected myself under the safe guise of “busyness” that was afforded in the pre-COVID days to be in a state of oversight on these issues. I had other things to occupy my mind and attention; and in that belief, I was a complacent onlooker, just hoping for the best.
I have been feeling helpless in the inaction of all that is transpiring in this new life.
I do not know what to make of this new life. I do not know how progress will look in this new life. I do not understand what this new life means.
Thankfully, I am not alone. Thankfully, I am privileged to have a support network of families, friends, mentors, colleagues. Thankfully, I have the privilege and fortune of being a part of a team that has been extraordinary under these unknown and crazy circumstances.
Thankfully, I hold the power to learn.
In spite of all of this, I feel that I (and we) can move forward with an open mind and an open heart that can bring forth a willingness to bask in the imperfections of learning and growing.
Taking action comes in various forms and meanings to each and every one of us. It is a responsibility that I accept because the alternative of complacency is not acceptable.
I am grateful to have seen my clinical team put forth their collective minds to be creative, intuitive, and supportive in confronting the challenges of the new COVID state of care. We are still imperfect, we still find flaws, and we have more questions than answers. We have taken action.
I do not feel brave in taking action. If anything, I’m terrified and uncomfortable as I struggle to know “what is right?” and “what is appropriate?”. But, how can I not take action when the very essence of my livelihood is advocating for the care of those in need?
It is too simple to say “let’s learn and get through this together”. It is naive to assume learning leads to a linear trajectory of growth and greater awareness. But, I cannot let these misgivings, which enabled the inaction that fostered negativity, to also prevent me from actually being active in learning and forging a different future.
Learning for life has taken a different, but deeper and meaningful direction. This new world is more complex, more unknown, and more hurtful than the world I knew before. But in that, I also believe it is a world of hope and a world that needs to be enlightened and elevated by love, kindness, and humility that bring out the best of humanity and restore our faith in it.